Self-Perception: A Collection of conversations between the Head and Body

I finally found the courage to quit my job. More like a quick decision taken between the tiny break when I wasn’t worried sick about money and saying good riddance to the ridiculous number of business ideas my boss keeps posturing on the team.

I’m really glad I left.

And now, I am at the verge of an entirely new life, or so my mom says. It is yet to dawn on me though, seeing that I still have one last hurdle to pass before I can comfortably pack my bags and whine about how much I’ll miss abacha and ofe akwu.

Comfortably I sit and dream about the good life. It feels surreal just drawing it up in the air and allowing myself get lost in the forest of “what-if" possibilities. One of the few liberties I allow myself.

However, it’s a different thing when it feels so real like the next plan of action on my to-do list.

In my head list and the infinitive “to do" are laughable taboo words. At every point it feels like my head is stuck at one particular scene in my life and my body is doing all the working, and growing up and hustling. My head is still scared of failing, which is why it doesn’t leave its shell, scared of what comes with actually succeeding. My head cannot imagine life without disguising or trimming down, but my body isn’t cut for that. It doesn’t amaze me how people compliment my drive and my head immediately attributes that praise to my body. It seems built for greater and tougher things, a dream Hilux would kill for.

My head tells me I am a poet, and sometimes, I stew in the mortal arrogance of what that means. I look down on the rest of humanity and feel good about how my head and eyes in sync read the world, for filth!

My body convinces me that even the poster-child for a one-night stand that could mean marriage or misery can be anything, my head finds it a laughable joke.

The greatness I find in my name is from this body comparing names and noting how mine stands out. My head still laughs at the thought of being something other than inwardly arrogant and self-loathing.